Well, eventually I came across Matthews 6:25-34. It's the Do Not Worry passage. And I always lose focus on the fact that God has my future in his hands. So why should I worry? I still have to try to do well and stuff because God isn't literally gonna do my school work for me. But I'm still worried about all these things. I came across a devotional, well I liked the first part of it (applicable) until he starts talking about his own life :
Devotional Sharing, Submitted by George Hu, Gracepoint Berkeley
What fears drive me to store up treasures on earth?
The fears that drive me to store up treasures on earth are not so much the fear of not making enough money or starving but the fear of not being good enough, the fear of seeming less smart, less capable, and less talented than my peers. This drives me not only to store up treasures on earth in the academic/career sense, but also can affect my motivation to serve God. I fear seeming less capable than my peers at work or school, or fear seeming less capable than my peers at church as well. A new area in which this is relevant has recently surfaced, as I completed classes and am not working on my dissertation. As I get more involved in research, I am getting invited to various events and conferences to present my findings and to speak on the topic, but it has become clear that I need to choose whether to throw in my time to do extra research work or give presentations, and whether to forego those opportunities to spend more time in ministry. The fear of seeming less capable or less committed than my peers at school and in the field is a strong temptation, but I have chosen to store up treasures in heaven, in permanent things where moth and rust cannot destroy and where theives cannot break in and steal. I need to continue to have this perspective as we begin fall ministry.
Well I agree on the first part. The fear of not being good enough, the fear of being less capable, the fear of not having enough knowledge and so on. I'm filled with fears, and I admit that. I am way too worried. I just really have to clear my mind and just know that He's gonna be there for me. I trust God enough to lead me to a better path in life and whatever that makes my parents proud. I guess I'm afraid of letting my parents down, and myself. I'll admit that I've been super busy and slacked on SATS. Finals hit home for me, and just trying to pull up my GPA is so difficult. Ohman, next term I'm definitely going to pick up my slack.
