Last Sunday when I described my faith over the years on a linear graph, I realized that during my exam times I always have a negative correlation or maybe a plateau. During these times, I feel like I have to work my butt off just for my own future because I'm never certain of how my life will be. I'm not allowing God to come into my life and get rid of those worries and anxieties that I face. I realized my life is not going to get any easier. Yes, maybe it will when I go off to college. But the workload that I have now in comparison to later, will definitely increase. It's tiring trying to shape the future the way I want it. I've grown up always in the better classes and always took the advanced classes. Ever since I was in 4th Grade, I was always in the honors classes. On top of everything. All throughout High school, I always took these AP classes. I basically fulfilled 80% of the available APs in my school. All the Englishes, Maths and Histories. And now, I always had that mindset to be in one of the top schools. Sadly, my dreams would be rerouted and will have to take a huge detour. I'm afraid of what SAT score I will get in October, what college I would get into, what I want to study in college, what career I will take on in the future, who I will marry in the future, etc. These questions just flood my mind daily. I just need to chill-ax. I need to start surrendering some of these things to God. I always want to be the best at things. Trying to improve in singing, so I can sing like one of those amazing youtube stars. Trying to improve in piano, so I can have the skills of my best friend. Trying to improve in Volleyball, so I can play in adult leagues. Sure, it's a good thing to have all these ambitions. But it's not a good thing, if I try to do all these things by pushing God away.
I need to learn to balance my spiritual life with my physical life. So far, the physical life is on the top of the balance as my spiritual life is on the mid-bottom end.
I want to do yoga. While meditating on my spiritual health, I can meditate on improving my physical being. :)
