after summer conference, i felt reality just hit me once again. and i felt that i haven't changed. summer conference didn't change me. and why is that? i have no idea... maybe because i haven't spoken to God for awhile. maybe i've been focusing on other things. ah, i'm so out of it lately. no idea what to do. it's just like.. i just want to be free but i don't feel free. i felt there were things just pulling my strings. i've been pretty "emo" lately. i have no idea why. it's weird. i mean like, normally things don't bother me. but i feel upset at times and i don't know why that i just want to cry. i feel lonely, sometimes in church and a definite in school. i feel like i'm the only person on the earth just feeling lonely, feeling avoided, feeling left out. i'm not left out, i know that. but it's a vibe that makes me feel like that...when have i ever become like this? :/
i guess i'm just going through the motions in life and just not seeking God for strength. :/ there's this song,
Motions by Matthew West
This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life
I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"
No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life
'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"
take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
take me all the way
I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"
